A question I get a lot when I meet new people is, "So, how did you hurt your back?" Now, you may ask, "How does that ever come up in a normal conversation?" Well, I'll tell you, it happens more often than you might think, but that's because it's not an unusual topic to discuss in the military. I mean, it's pretty apparent there is something different when the PT leader tells the group to do 50 situps and I brazenly ignore him/her and do crunches instead. Also, when the topic of ruck marches comes up, I'm usually one of the first to volunteer for water point duty. Now, technically, I'm allowed to do ruck marches. I'm just not supposed to carry a ruck heavier than 40 pounds and I don't have to go any farther than I feel like. Also, my permanent profile (doctor's note) says I can take my helmet and web gear off any time I please. "As tolerated" it says. That's my favorite line on the entire form.
So, once I show my note and clear up any initial prejudice that I'm a lazy dirtbag (I don't think you have the right to label me that until you get to know me and can appreciate just how much a lazy dirtbag I am - no free rides here), I usually get asked about how it happened.
Usually from junior Soldiers (and often civilians), I get questions like, "Did you do it on a jump?" or "Was in in combat?" Well, I don't have jump wings nor a combat patch, but of course, they ask anyway. From Soldiers that have been around a while, I get more realistic guesses. "You fall out of a truck?" or "I bet it was ultimate frisbee."
The truth is actually quite embarrassing. I got it on an obstacle course. Jumping off a wall. A six foot wall. That I was already part way over before I let go. Yep, an approximate four feet gap of air did it to me. If anything, I was too close to the ground. I went over a log wall in low profile style (this is where you try to hug the top of the wall and move your legs over the top and drop down the other side without presenting a large target of yourself to a potential enemy rifleman). When I dropped to the ground, I didn't flex my knees, so I landed straight-legged. I felt the impact right up through my legs into my spine. I knew immediately I'd done something wrong and was rewarded with a fair amount of pain on my very first step.
Now this is where it gets worse, cheifly due to my inability to take proper care of myself. I finished the rest of the obstacles on the course. Running the entire way. I also ran the mile and a half back to the unit in formation after everyone completed the course. In boots. It was one of those unit cohesion PT days where you do stuff to build the team (and in my case break down the body). We were running the obstacle course for time as squads and I didn't want to let my squad down. So, I kept going. I didn't think I'd done anything too serious.
Well, I went to see the doctor the next morning. Well, when I say doctor, I mean the Physician's Assistant. And when I say PA, I mean the 2nd Lt just out of PA school. He was actually very nice and listened to my description of what happened. He looked me over and wrote me a profile for a month of PT at my own pace and distance. He also gave me some motrin and some muscle relaxers, instructions to ice my back 2-3 times a day, and ordered up some X-Rays. Standard Army medicine, right there. But, I never got the feeling that he was dismissing me, just that he was hoping for the best and that a couple weeks rest would help me out. His last words to me that day were that he was going to be deployed for a month, so if I had any problems, to make another appointment and tell whomever I saw to look up his notes.
Well, I got deployed, too. To Ft Lewis, WA for a computer wargame exercise. The plane ride was agony. I had mentioned it to the PA before I left his office and he told me to take two muscle relaxers and let them knock me out for the flight. I really didn't want to do that, so I just dealt with the pain. When we got to FT Lewis, we found ourselves living in old bay style barracks with beds from the 70's (at best). I ended up putting my mattress on the floor and sleeping there. About halfway through the trip, the muscle relaxers stopped providing me any relief. At the end of one shift, I was in so much pain, that I lashed out and shouted at a senior NCO for not being able to do their job effectively. Now, this was the truth, but my complete loss of self control was due to the pain I was in. Usually, I would have just seethed about the incompetence.
My boss (for the exercise) took me to the local Army hospital and after a couple hours wait in the emergency room, I was introduced to Mr Flexoril. Those of you who know Mr Flexoril can attest to what a nice man he is. He took all the pain away and let me sleep. In fact, I didn't wake up until three hours after I'd gotten out of bed. At the next shift change, apparently, I had drool running from my slack jaw while I nodded my head up and down, affirming that I understood everything about the war scenario going on at that time. It was a good thing I had a smart Soldier working for me in my section, or else my battlefield assets would have been lost that night.
When I returned to Hawaii, I made an appointment to follow up. But the PA I had seen originally wasn't back yet. I got to see a flight doc that was on call that day. This waste of flesh told me that he'd never heard of someone having back pain like mine last for as long as I was claiming (he lightly insinuated that I was trying to ride this out without having any real pain). He refused to look up my X-Rays online and ignored the first PA's notes in my record. He wasn't even willing to give me a new profile! I had to convince him to give me a two week own pace and distance profile. And he wouldn't give me any meds. Not even motrin!
Well, I called every day until the PA was back from his deployment and I got on his schedule. The guy actually remembered me (which was amazing). He sat down, made some indistinct comment about the flight docs parentage, and looked up my X-Rays on the spot. He told me that they came back negative for anything unusual, but that wasn't conclusive. So, he recommended physical therapy and a CT Scan. He made the referral for both on the spot and he refilled my meds and issued me a new profile. The entire time, he answered every question I had and told me that if I ever needed to come back, ask for him by name on the appointment line. He also told me to stop by if I ever needed anything and wasn't able to get an appointment. Truly a great Army medicine experience.
Well, that is quite long enough. Next time, I'll cover physical therapy and physical medicine. And later still, I'll cover my last ambulance ride. That was a truly embarrassing experience!