Something I Never Want To Do Again, PT II

Just got word...

Published on February 11, 2005 By chiprj In Blogging

I just received an email with the most recent duty rosters. I came up again for funeral detail, this time for March and April. I detailed my feelings about military funerals before - Something I never want to do again..., so I won't go into too much detail about it here. While I'd never try to get out of doing this detail, I still don't look forward to it. I also find it a little annoying to see that this will be my second time on this detail and there are people who have been in my company longer who have yet to do it once. The truth of the matter is I don't look forward to being at the funerals, but I consider it an honor to participate in an official capacity.

Having said that, I do look at this oppurtunity with much less fear than I did the first time. I learned a lot about myself and feel that I gained something with each funeral I attended. I learned to deal with my own fear and emotions. On my first detail, I was so nervous, I barely got my one speaking line out (although I did mess it up). There was another detail when a blind widow began to cry, because she couldn't see the flag I had just presented her. It was all I could do to keep my own emotions in check. Thinking about that moment now is still very powerful. There was a funeral where a Vietnam veteran was in attendance and he took the time to talk to my partner and I after the funeral and thanked us for being there. He wanted to make sure that we knew people appreciated what we did, even though he had rarely felt that way because of how the Vietnam War veterans had often been treated. I learned to deal with change, like the time the funeral home workers turned a casket around on us at the last moment, so it was facing the wrong direction for travel. I learned that no matter how many funerals I ever participate in, they are all unique and require me to do my absolute best. Years from now, I may forget how I did on each funeral, but there are family members that will remember forever whether I performed my duty well or screwed it up at each funeral. I learned to deal with adversity. Once, my bugler played Taps at the wrong time. I was able to react as if this were exactly what should be happening and that, along with the minister mirroring my reaction, preserved the dignity of the ceremony.

I will continue posting individual articles about each funeral I participate in. In fact, I will probably reread each one I posted from last time, multiple times, in an effort to prepare myself for this detail. It's important to me to remember these funerals individually and collectively. As I said, it's not a detail I look forward to, but I'm honored to be able to participate.

My Ecosystem Details

Comments

Dr Guy

on Feb 11, 2005

In a way, you have the toughest job, I do not envy you. I do salute you.

Thank you.

oleteach

on Feb 11, 2005

Keep us posted on what you learn each time. Thanks for your service. I am sure the families appreciate your presence and your attitiudes toward them and their deceased loved one.

ParaTed2k

on Feb 12, 2005

I too had the honor/anguish of Funeral Detail. I did two rotations while at Ft. Bragg where it was a full time detail (for the duration of the rotation we were either practicing, getting inspected or bestowing the final honor our nation has for our vets and servicemembers; and have done it for many while in the National Guards of 3 states (National Guard teams are usually put together at the last minute, from anyone available, so unfortunately there is far less polish. On the other hand, there is a bigger chance that those on the detail actually knew the deceased, than the active duty teams.

In 1st COSCOM only companies came up on the roster for the detail, the teams were all made up of volunteers. I volunteered both chances I had, the first time because (apparently like you), I knew there were a lot of things I could learn from doing them. The second time, most of us from the rotation before volunteered because we knew we could do it right. Most of us also looked forward to the chance to work together again.

Most of those we buried were old WWII vets, the rest were from other wars, or did their time and got on with their lives. While they were sad, they were usually celebrations of a life, complete with laughter, tears and fond memories by those who knew the deceased at their best and worst (as a funeral should be).

There were a couple though that still have a hold on my psyche.

One was a Mess Sergeant who had been stationed in Korea. He was caught falsifying records so that he could sell rations on the black market. Since it had been going on for a long time, he was facing many years "breaking rocks" at Levinworth. He chose a death sentence for himself and a lifetime of pain and anguish for his family. Imagine being the preacher of a congregation in a small Appalachian town. Imagine trying to give hope to a bereaved family who are 100% sure that their beloved son, brother, cousin, or friend is burning in Hell even as you speak. Imagine knowing that they knew it with such a conviction because you taught it with such conviction.

The second was a fellow Rigger. Headed home for Christmas leave, he fell asleep at the wheel. We were not on the rotation at the time, but the family had requested that the funeral detail be made up of those of us who served with him.

I see from your articles on the subject that you understand and are willing to put into this detail all that it implies and requires. There are few things more moving than a well executed military funeral; it is equally sad when those executing one apparently don't care.

As always, thank you for your service. But even more, thanks for being one who cares.

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